They always say "don't try this at home," but people always do.
25 Videos are attached must see hmmmmm.......
Here are some seriously idiotic goons trying to make it big in the WWE from their own backyards. Results are painful.
Off The Roof
Ever since Mick Foley's daredevil leap off of his childhood home's roof was broadcast on Monday Night Raw, the top of the house has been a very seductive location for backyard wrestlers to do moves off of. Some end well, most not so much. As in the case of these two mooks, who hit the ground with such a thud and proceed to let out some of the most gruesome moans of suffering I've ever heard.
Gorilla Dive
You have to give these guys at least a point for getting a gorilla suit. That implies a level of financing above most backyard wrestling groups. Unfortunately, they probably should have invested that money in a little bit of training instead to avoid the whole "broken spine" deal.
Burning Table
There's a lot to love about this video, from the ever so dramatic setup - hey, guys! Sure, I'll stand here while you spray lighter fluid all over this table and then let you gingerly place me in it - to the hilarious climax, where the victim is shocked to discover that fire... burns. Stay in school, kids.
Chair Jump Crotch Dive
One commonality that you're going to see a lot in these videos is the betrayal of props - whereas the big leagues use carefully selected tables, ladders, chairs and the like, these bozos just have to settle for whatever's lying around the house. As a result of that, they don't always perform as you'd like them to. They do, however, perform as I'd like them to and injure dummies.
Roof Miscalculation
Somebody needs to put together a pamphlet for these kids that just says, "If you go off the roof, bad things are going to happen." Also they should all have tests to determine their depth perception. There's a lot to love about this video, but my favorite part is the sickening metallic clank when the body hits the ground. What even makes that sound?
Misplaced Chair
The painful injury depicted in this video is funny enough - who doesn't like watching a guy land on an unexpected chair - but what really elevates it over the top is the hilarious dubbed-in crowd noise. Dudes, you're killing yourself for an audience of three country cousins. Don't try to make us think this is Madison Square Garden.
Slo Mo Nut Crack
When the first frame of this video fades in, you probably think you know what's going to happen. The dude standing up on the rail is going to slip and crotch himself somehow. I'm happy to say that there are still some surprises left in the world of horrible backyard wrestling injuries, my friends.
Ladder Flip
No, not a flip off of a ladder. A flip of a ladder. The results look incredibly painful for everybody concerned. Also why do backyard wrestlers love to fill their rings up with trash? You'd think they get enough of that at home.
Ladder Fire Disaster
It is just amazing to me that there are so many people in the world who don't understand how fire works. It's pretty simple: if it touches you, it will enjoy burning you. I think these mooks are from Quebec or something so maybe they just don't teach that up there. Bonus: some of the screaming in the slow-mo replay sounds like an ambulance.
The 3D |
Okay, when your victim is having a hard time just running the ropes off of an Irish Whip, maybe he's not ready to take a Dudley Death Drop. Just a gentle suggestion from your local spinal surgeon. Also what are you wrestling on, a pile of box springs under a tarp? Also also: when a video starts with "Somebody farted," you know you're in for quality entertainment.
Stick The Landing
This guy is ready to wow the world with his sweet moves, climbing up to the top rope (and I use that term very loosely) to perform some senses-staggering stunt. Unfortunately, he loses it at the last minute and decides instead to test the tensile strength of his skull.
Board Throw
Another entertaining thing that pops up a lot in backyard wrestling videos is the assistance of off-camera helpers to provide the yard tards with props - chairs, tables, et cetera. In this case, when one of the grapplers needs a second sheet of particleboard, he gets it sent special delivery to his eye socket.
Ladder Dive
The flip off of a ladder seems to be one of the go-to spots in the world of backyard wrestling. I think we can blame the Hardy Boyz for the popularity of daredevil ladder stunts, but have you seen what those guys look like lately? They're on more pills than Tila Tequila. Why aspire to that?
Roof To Chair
It was awfully nice of the guy in the ridiculous Halloween mask to assemble that goofy jerry-rigged tower of mattresses, chairs and other detritus to throw his opponent down on. Maybe he should have thought more about the placement of those chairs, though.
Broken Neck
This is just grotesque. If this was a professional, I'd give him some kind of award for his horrible twitches of agony. But since it's just some untrained yardtardigan, I'm going to make a donation to his local hospital to keep him in Slurpees and pay-per-view until he can walk again, which will be never.
Roof Collapse
This rickety shed roof didn't even give the idiots clumsily grappling atop it a chance to injure themselves - it decided to just cut to the chase and take matters into its own hands. With the assistance of its tag team partner (and still undefeated champion), the force of gravity.
Light Tube Face
If there's one thing that backyard wrestlers love, it's flourescent light tubes. That's because usually they just smash to a fine powder when you hit somebody with them. Note that I said usually and not always there. So you really don't want to take one in your mouth.
Premature Table
All right, idiots, if you're going to do a big climactic table spot, try to not break the tables before anybody hits them. I dunno, I just think it would be more dramatic that way. But I'm no superstar, obviously.
Neck Breaker
Okay, guys, you do know that this is supposed to be fake, right? You're not supposed to actually kill each other. It's an illusion. Not a trick, tricks are for prostitutes. So can we give the crippling spinal cord compression a rest?
Trash Can Recoil
If you're going to whack one of your hillbilly buddies in the back with a rubber trash can, take this as a warning: those things are springy. You could very well wind up bashed in the face and looking like an idiot. Not that you don't already look like an idiot with your sleeveless flannel shirt in your dirty backyard, but you have to draw the line somewhere.
Trampoline Ladder
In the absence of a ring, many backyard wrestlers opt to use a trampoline instead. Sure, it's a little bit bouncier than giving your friends DDTs on the concrete, but it has its own share of dangers. Especially when you bring a ladder into the mix, as these slowpokes do. I don't think that was exactly what they were going for.
Ball Crusher
This one's kind of funny, because nothing went terribly wrong in its execution - the one dude meant to pull the other dude's nuts hard into the clothesline pole, and that's exactly what he did. It's just funny because the aftermath, while familiar to anybody who has ever taken a harsh hit to the boys, seems totally surprising to these two garboons.
Entrance Fail |
Usually, the fail comes a few minutes after the action's started in the "ring." This guy is such an innovator that he decides to blow it during his own damn entrance. The even sadder thing? He's the champion. I'd hate to see what a jobber looks like.
JNCOs Hugging |
Some of these videos aren't fails because of the injury done to the participants - in fact, they're the opposite. Backyard wrestlers are notorious for setting up sequences that their pasty teenage bodies have no way of executing correctly. I'm not sure exactly what was supposed to happen in this clip, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't two guys in JNCOs giving each other an awkward hug.
Powerbomb Gone Wrong
If there's one professional wrestling move that has caused more legitimate injuries than any other, it's the powerbomb. With serious risk of damage to the vertebrae of the neck, it shouldn't be performed by anybody unless they have had many, mnay hours of training. Or, whatever, do it to your friends in the dirt. It's not like they need to wak anyway.
